Becoming parents has been the journey of a lifetime. In fact the most adventurous and crazy we’ve ever experienced. Like most expecting parents we thought we were ready for the insanity that would be twins, but like most we were clearly deluded. While we navigated the bumpy, swerve-laden and cliff-edge walking craziness perhaps the one aspect of “crazy” we never considered was the stupid brought to us by none other than other adults. This piece is about them and the crazy things they say/question to parents of twins (or multiples in general) and some of the witty, snarky and wish-we-had said responses to the stupid. Some of this is commentary from our heterosexual friends but nearly all of this has been first-hand experience. Enjoy!
You Have Your Hands Full
Um. No shit. We have two babies. Are you offering a helping hand or just staring in sheer amazement at our awesomeness? Pointing out the obvious seems off-putting. Sure, as parents of twins we do have our hands full: of snot, of bottles, of toys and of course babies. Don’t forget that our hearts are also filled with joy. As parents of multiples we are blessed with: twice the snuggles, twice the smiles, twice the kisses and twice of everything that’s “oh so nice!” #TwiceAsNice
Who’s who? I Mean There Are Two Fathers
Wow. Captain obvious strikes again. Imagine that – two dads. There is Jeff and there is Brian. One of us is Abba and the other is Daddy. Ok? Moving on as our children are nowhere near as confused as you seem to be. They seem to be perfectly fine and know exactly who we both are: their parents. Thanks! #DoesThisEvenMatter
Better You Then Me
With a response like this I would absolutely agree. I don’t think anything more needs to be said. #ByeFelicia
Which Of You Did The Deed With Your Surrogate?
Get the hell out of here. Really? Did you just ask that question? Deconstructing this response has been nothing short of humorous. But really, my favorite response to this has been, “but that’s just not how any of this works…ever.” While we’re on the topic did y’all choose missionary for your children? See? It’s awkward, uncomfortable and rude. #NotAppropriateEver
Are Your Twins Natural?
Are artificial twins a real thing? Cause I don’t know how to answer this one. While we’ve received this question I am going to offer two choice responses not just from us, but from other parents of twins having received the same question.
- Our twins are natural. If by natural you mean where they conceived by chance or via IVF/Assisted Reproductive Technology then surely that is none of your business. All you need to know is that the both of them came out of my uterus on the same day. Want to hear about the afterbirth? #MovingOn
- Our twins are natural. And – wait for it – they have two dads. You see, we had one egg fertilized by Abba and one egg fertilized by Daddy (via IVF, again, nobody had sex with anyone) and they were then placed into our surrogate’s uterus to grow. #BecauseScience
They’re Not Twins! They Don’t Look Alike!
Newsflash – twins typically exist in two buckets: Identical and Fraternal. Think back to basic biology (remember that high school class?): when one egg is fertilized and splits into two embryos they are called identical twins as they share the same DNA. When two eggs are released from the ovaries and both subsequently fertilized and implanted in the uterus they, too, are twins. As they started with two different eggs and fertilized by two different sperm they will look no more or less alike than two siblings. These are called fraternal twins. Identical twins are always the same biological sex (and for those crafty enough to look up tuner syndrome or polar-body twinning please let’s not be overly technical here). Fraternal twins can be either of the following combinations: Boy & Girl, Boy & Boy and Girl & Girl. #BasicBiology
I Don’t Know How You Do It
How do you manage to brush your teeth, comb your hair, shower every day, go to work, food shop, cook, eat etc.? The thing is when you have kids, no matter how many, you figure it out. Whether you have one at a time or are blessed with having twins, triplets or more, you survive. I mean is there another option? In the words of fashion icon guru Tim Gunn: #MakeItWork
Now can we stop with the absolutely stupid and highly inappropriate questions to parents of multiples? After all we’re not some spectacle at a zoo – we’re people just like you. We just happen to have more than one same-age baby at the same time. And while this isn’t an exhaustive list of stupid things said to parents of multiples, these are likely the most frequent I’ve encountered. Someone once said, “Kids say the darnedest of things,” when really they meant adults.
At the end of the day parenting is parenting whether or not you have one, two three or more kids or multiples. All parenting comes with unique sets of challenges regardless. While I am sure there will continue to be an influx of stupid and inappropriate questions, one thing I know is for sure: yes our hands are full with both of us being their fathers, I will always be glad it’s me and not you, neither of us had sex with our surrogate, our twins are very natural, they are definitely not identical (but still twins) and we live life every day with a heart filled with love and twice the snot on our sleeves. #TwinLife