13 Months!!

Dear Yeladim

Although we’re two days late in publishing this letter, it’s been 13 whole months since you’ve been born and 13 whole months that we’ve been blessed to be your Daddy and Abba. And it just seems to get better, crazier and more hectic with each passing day. Since your 12 month check-up much has happened!

Phoebe: you have begun to point. At everything. And you use your “pointing” to explore literally everything. Your new favorite thing is to ask Daddy to pick you up and walk to wherever you point! You love it! And, you still love to walk like a busy-body with your walker. In fact, you’ve even mastered the ability to move forward, stop, reverse, pivot and navigate to where you want to be. You’ve discovered the joys of pasta and bananas, and you inhale them both! And, you have even learned how to place objects within one another (i.e. cleaning up, nested objects). .

Xander: since your 12 month check-up you have had a pediatric ophthalmologist appointment where you’ve been diagnosed with both strabismus and Duane’s Syndrome. Both are not a big deal and we’ve already started to take corrective action. You’ve been fitted for your first pair of glasses, and without fail you look even more adorable than you already are! You took a minute to get used to them (still are adjusting) and love to rip them off your face when you’re feeling most frustrated, bored or have the messiest hands in the world. You are officially crawling quadruped and really keeping up with your sister now!

Of all the things you’ve individually accomplished perhaps some of the cutest moments this last month were of your interactions together. You both LOVE to play together, steal objects from one another, trade pacifiers (willingly) and most of all giggle at one another. When one starts the other follows. Your conversational jabber is beyond adorable and entertaining and keeps Abba and Daddy entertained. You both still love your food and feeding yourselves, you enjoy getting messy and then love the bath right after! You have an incredible listening vocabulary and understand so much of your world it’s beautiful.

Keep exploring. Keep playing. Keep learning. Keep falling. Keep getting back up. Keep laughing. Keep testing your limits and boundaries. Keep snuggling us for as long as you want, for we’ll miss these days when they’ve passed us by.

All our love,

Daddy and Abba

I Don’t Know How You Do It?

Becoming parents has been the journey of a lifetime. In fact the most adventurous and crazy we’ve ever experienced. Like most expecting parents we thought we were ready for the insanity that would be twins, but like most we were clearly deluded. While we navigated the bumpy, swerve-laden and cliff-edge walking craziness perhaps the one aspect of “crazy” we never considered was the stupid brought to us by none other than other adults. This piece is about them and the crazy things they say/question to parents of twins (or multiples in general) and some of the witty, snarky and wish-we-had said responses to the stupid. Some of this is commentary from our heterosexual friends but nearly all of this has been first-hand experience. Enjoy!

You Have Your Hands Full

Um. No shit. We have two babies. Are you offering a helping hand or just staring in sheer amazement at our awesomeness? Pointing out the obvious seems off-putting. Sure, as parents of twins we do have our hands full: of snot, of bottles, of toys and of course babies. Don’t forget that our hearts are also filled with joy. As parents of multiples we are blessed with: twice the snuggles, twice the smiles, twice the kisses and twice of everything that’s “oh so nice!” #TwiceAsNice

Who’s who? I Mean There Are Two Fathers

Wow. Captain obvious strikes again. Imagine that – two dads. There is Jeff and there is Brian. One of us is Abba and the other is Daddy. Ok? Moving on as our children are nowhere near as confused as you seem to be. They seem to be perfectly fine and know exactly who we both are: their parents. Thanks! #DoesThisEvenMatter

Better You Then Me

With a response like this I would absolutely agree. I don’t think anything more needs to be said. #ByeFelicia

Which Of You Did The Deed With Your Surrogate?

Get the hell out of here. Really? Did you just ask that question? Deconstructing this response has been nothing short of humorous. But really, my favorite response to this has been, “but that’s just not how any of this works…ever.” While we’re on the topic did y’all choose missionary for your children? See? It’s awkward, uncomfortable and rude. #NotAppropriateEver

Are Your Twins Natural?

Are artificial twins a real thing? Cause I don’t know how to answer this one. While we’ve received this question I am going to offer two choice responses not just from us, but from other parents of twins having received the same question.

  1. Our twins are natural. If by natural you mean where they conceived by chance or via IVF/Assisted Reproductive Technology then surely that is none of your business. All you need to know is that the both of them came out of my uterus on the same day. Want to hear about the afterbirth? #MovingOn
  2. Our twins are natural. And – wait for it – they have two dads. You see, we had one egg fertilized by Abba and one egg fertilized by Daddy (via IVF, again, nobody had sex with anyone) and they were then placed into our surrogate’s uterus to grow. #BecauseScience

They’re Not Twins! They Don’t Look Alike!

Newsflash – twins typically exist in two buckets: Identical and Fraternal. Think back to basic biology (remember that high school class?): when one egg is fertilized and splits into two embryos they are called identical twins as they share the same DNA. When two eggs are released from the ovaries and both subsequently fertilized and implanted in the uterus they, too, are twins. As they started with two different eggs and fertilized by two different sperm they will look no more or less alike than two siblings. These are called fraternal twins. Identical twins are always the same biological sex (and for those crafty enough to look up tuner syndrome or polar-body twinning please let’s not be overly technical here). Fraternal twins can be either of the following combinations: Boy & Girl, Boy & Boy and Girl & Girl. #BasicBiology

I Don’t Know How You Do It

How do you manage to brush your teeth, comb your hair, shower every day, go to work, food shop, cook, eat etc.? The thing is when you have kids, no matter how many, you figure it out. Whether you have one at a time or are blessed with having twins, triplets or more, you survive. I mean is there another option? In the words of fashion icon guru Tim Gunn: #MakeItWork

Now can we stop with the absolutely stupid and highly inappropriate questions to parents of multiples? After all we’re not some spectacle at a zoo – we’re people just like you. We just happen to have more than one same-age baby at the same time. And while this isn’t an exhaustive list of stupid things said to parents of multiples, these are likely the most frequent I’ve encountered. Someone once said, “Kids say the darnedest of things,” when really they meant adults.

At the end of the day parenting is parenting whether or not you have one, two three or more kids or multiples. All parenting comes with unique sets of challenges regardless. While I am sure there will continue to be an influx of stupid and inappropriate questions, one thing I know is for sure: yes our hands are full with both of us being their fathers, I will always be glad it’s me and not you, neither of us had sex with our surrogate, our twins are very natural, they are definitely not identical (but still twins) and we live life every day with a heart filled with love and twice the snot on our sleeves. #TwinLife