February 18, 2017: NICU Day Two

Living as part of the LGBT community has been challenging at times. What you learn is that surrounding yourself with the right kind of people is important. The more love you have around you the more you will learn to love.

When our children finally arrived we received so many messages of love, support and congratulations that we saved many of the messages. This post will share two of those messages as a memory for when our children read this blog later on in life.

Jeffrey Bernstein & Brian became parents yesterday! After a long and winding journey, they found a perfect family to help them create their own perfect family. A shade of pink 💗 and a shade of blue 💙 were sent from heaven just for you! I am joining the chorus singing Mazel Tov and Hallelujah. Bond and grow little ones. Your Pennsylvania family and friends are here with open arms to welcome you home when you are ready!

If you have children and especially grandchildren, you know what it means to fall in love before you have ever met. I can’t tell you exactly when that happens. For some it’s as soon as a test reads positive, for others it’s sometime within the next few months. Each journey is unique as each child is unique. Mine were all pretty common. I was blessed with my Moms fertility. Lol. There are other parents whose journey is not as simple.

In May of 2015, two of my good friends had just been married. In July they decided on using a surrogate for their journey. Jeffrey and Brian had shared with me the various revised letters that would eventually be chosen by their surrogate family. Looking back on it now. I think that’s when I fell in love. I was already in love with the idea of them being parents. I know they will be awesome. I got to imagine the child who could have Brian’s sense of humor and Jeffrey’s intellect.

It seemed to take forever but by December a surrogate family had chosen them. They are from Texas and had come up for a quick visit. It seemed to take forever but somewhere in there a biological mother (the eggs) were picked. They decided on transferring two embryos.

It seems like yesterday they flew to Texas for the transfer. Everything went perfect. Ashly (the surrogate) was even here for their shower! She looked fantastic and was a huge help. I too am eternally grateful she chose them. Good choice . Just saying lol

What a journey.

Yesterday morning I received a phone call that Ashly was in labor. At 33 weeks. The plan for today was supposed to be that we were going over to see the guys. Just hang out for a while. If I was lucky Jeffrey would have cooked us something. Lol. We were supposed to go over different things they needed done while away. We were supposed to take them to the airport on March 1st. Xander and Phoebe decided yesterday was to be their Birthday. I’m having a hard time not constantly crying. Happy tears.

Over the last two years our families kind of intertwined. Both Brian and Jeff have amazing parents and they all treat us like family. I’m now a surrogate grandmother and will be these children’s Grandma Fran. I can’t explain that honor. I loved these children before I ever met them. I am thrilled, amazed, and honored to watch this journey take place.

Congratulations to Jeffrey and Brian on the birth of your beautiful children. You guys are two of our best friends, our brothers and now are the fathers of our grandchildren.

Dear Phoebe and Xander,

Today is day two that we’re blessed to be your parents. You both had very productive days in the NICU:

Phoebe: today you got to lay with your father while nourishment was given to you. You slept on daddy for a while and daddy fell even more in love. You even let Abba change your diaper and didn’t fuss. You’ve been so strong and we admire your small yet mighty spirit. Keep growing. Keep showing us the fighter you are.

Xander: today you got to spend time with your surrogate mother who helped protect you while you grew. You laid peacefully with her while she snuggled you close. You even let your daddy change your diaper! And tonight You’ll get to lay with abba for your nourishment. Keep gaining strength. Keep growing. Keep being the fighter we know you are.

Today you met your first family cousins! They drove all the way from Houston just to see you! They were so happy to meet you and help keep you warm. They love you more than you know little ones. As do your daddy and Abba.


Daddy and Abba

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